So the last week and a half have been – oh, let’s say chaotic and busy with a free ride on an emotional roller coaster (and yes, I feel like I’ve been in the lead car on the roller coaster that hit the tree limb out in California). It all started with my day from you-know-where last Tuesday with a flat tire, rolled through a scary diagnosis for our dog Thursday, skipping on to her 3 hour surgery Monday. Meanwhile my daughter was at the beach for the 4th of July holiday (cause it’s never crowded on a major holiday), my parents were getting ready for demolition on their bathroom and my son is playing in a fairly important golf tournament this week. OH AND add in a little physical therapy for me (will my tennis elbow ever just be an elbow again?) just for fun.
And other than that, nothing much was going on (except that my grey hairs are growing in so fast and I’m so busy I may just have to take a black Sharpie to my roots).
You know what all that’s called? It’s called LIFE, people. And we don’t always get our color-coded scheduled calendar life played out like we planned it. (Yes, I know – not all of you color code your calendar… or even have a calendar…)
And while I was having my quiet time Saturday morning I gave up. Again. No, I didn’t give up on life, I gave up on trying to be in control of life. Again. I must be a real slow learner (actually I’m just stubborn as a mule – just ask my family) so God has been thumping me on the back of the head repeatedly with the message I wrote about last week:
Quit trying to be General Manager of the Universe.
I wrote in my journal on Saturday how all sorts of situations are out of my control. I can’t control my daughter’s beach trip or her drive home; I can’t control Lucy’s health or surgery; I can’t control how my son will play this week; I can’t control my nagging tendonitis…
And I have to say when I wrote down all the things I couldn’t control it didn’t freak me out. Really – I promise it didn’t. And that’s pretty exciting for a type A control junkie like me. It made me feel better to write down and admit that God is in control of all areas of my life, from the teeny-tiny decisions to the biggies. I’ll just throw this out there – it’s FREEING not to be in control! (Gosh, I can’t believe I just admitted that – guess my membership in the Type-A Control Freaks of America club will be revoked…)
“’I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.’” (Revelation 1:8)
I can’t compete with that, and heaven only knows why I try.
Maybe at some point in my life I’ll give up my stubbornness and opt for total surrender. Everybody needs a goal, right? And the first step toward that goal is for me to surrender control of life to Jesus today (and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow…).
So that’s where I am today, working on total surrender. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but thankfully I’ve got the living water to help me get it on down into my soul.
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